they hurt

First off, I just need to say I am a terrible teacher. I can't get all of my kids to understand math. Most of my students are NOT going to be prepared for MAP or the EOC at all. I feel all this pressure and want them to do well; I try to put interventions in place so they will be ready; nothing turns out to be successful. I just don't know what to do... Now that I got that off my chest, we can get to what I was originally going to talk about.

My kids are so strong. My heart broke for them at one point at the beginning of the year, but I grew numb to it all because it just seemed normal after a while. Then this week happened and 3 comments jerked me awake:

1) While assisting two of my students with factoring, I overheard one boy say, "No, he doesn't get out 'til October." What? Turns out his dad is in jail - police stormed his house a few years ago, ransacked the place looking for things (drugs), then took his dad. I know my kids have parents in jail, but I just didn't expect it with this specific student. He puts on the most precious smile every day, but I saw hurt in his eyes that day. My heart broke for one of my favorites.

2) A student who does not make the best decisions and "doesn't come to school to learn," came to me during my plan yesterday. He told me he was tired. He got, at most, two hours of sleep the night before (and probably every night that week). He hasn't been going home. He said he didn't care (as always), but he seemed so worn down. I almost cried telling him how I felt about his decisions. My heart hurt like he was my son.

3) During our class party today, one of my kids called me over because he had some serious questions for me that he was dealing with. He asked if it was normal to fight with parents at his age - he was genuinely worried (something I'd never seen with this student). He said he feels like he is at a low point right now. He wanted to make sure everyone had low points at times. I assured him that everyone experiences low points through life and he can get through whatever this is - he is strong. This student, one of my most loud, cheerful, popular students who makes me laugh too much, feels really low.

The unexpected conversations with students who hide hurt so well broke my heart big time. I pray for my kids daily, but I can't do anything to alleviate their brokenness. It hurts even more knowing how much I fail them daily. I want them to have the best.