study session

Let me tell you about last night. I will never forget it. It probably makes it into my top ten...

Next week is the final exam for summer school. We decided to buy dinner for our students and have a study session at a restaurant down the street from our high school. Seven out of eighteen students came last night. And it was a beautiful, hilarious time.

1. Our students were so hesitant to get any food. They thought it was so weird that we offered to buy them something. I had to stress the fact that we are family now in order to convince them to get food. [And it was hilarious because one of my boys asked if he had to tell people he was from Missouri now that we are family. bahah. Love it.] Oh, we also had donuts. Hilarious.

2. I need to start wearing sunglasses to teach. Or buy color changing contacts. Not even kidding.

3. I'm so proud of all of my students for studying and asking questions. Let me tell you about one super exciting thing. One of my boys who has a B in our class came last night. He only needed help for about 10 minutes in the beginning. Even though he was done, he stayed for two more hours. He sat there and read, circled things in his study guide, and asked questions to clarify. This might not sound too exciting to you, but it is amazing. This kid was pretty resistant at the beginning of the summer. On the weekend he hangs out with his gang and does who knows what. Yet he stayed to study with his teachers on a Saturday night.

4. I had an amazing talk with one of my students. He basically told me his life story. This kid is fairly quiet in class and his a "tough guy." He gets 100% on almost every exit exam in my class and he doesn't know why. I told him it is because he is brilliant. I can see it in him. He wants to be a police officer. He told me how he gets so frustrated while taking tests and gives up. He didn't learn to write until the eighth grade. He told me that his family has been trying to get him to drop out of school since eighth grade. His father only has a fifth grade education. His father also thinks joining a gang would be better than staying in school. He told me how his family has been going through some tough stuff - they want him to get a job and forget school (he is upset they don't understand that education will get them more money). He said he had never had anyone tell him he was smart or actually care until this summer. During this entire jumbled conversation, both of us were fighting back tears. I can't leave.

5. I am hating the American education system more and more each day. Three of my boys told me they have never had teachers who actually care. They are usually pushed to the side if they don't do well. Because of this, they cause trouble. They don't deserve that. They told me we can't leave. These boys are usually the first out the door (unless they are in trouble). Last night, one fought with his mom on the phone because he didn't want to leave the study session. He wants to do well. As he left, he hugged all three of us teachers. This is so out of his character. These kids need love. One parent came in when she dropped her daughter off. She stayed for a while going from teacher to teacher thanking us. She told us how smart her daughter is (so true), but she falls behind because teachers don't care. She was amazed by a study session. I can't leave.

6. I know these kids can go so far. I need someone to step up and push them next year. They deserve it. I know I will have more amazing kids next year. I will love them. I will teach them. I will push them. But right now, I can't fathom leaving my Los Angeles family.  I don't think these kids will ever understand how deeply I love them.

furious

I am furious. I am broken. I am in love.

I am furious. I have known my students in Los Angeles a little over a week now. During this time, I have seen how terrible the education system really is. Sure, I have read a lot about it and met people who have received a poor education, but this is personal. My 11th graders deserve every good thing in this world. They want to be doctors, pro athletes, dentists, police officers, and engineers. I truly believe they can do this. I just don't know how. I'm giving them all I can at the moment. But the question I want to shout at the top of my lungs in pure frustration is: Why the heck did their previous teachers let them slide by? Who will teach them next year? Why does our country allow this to happen?

I completely understand why one of my kids is so interested in our Cold War/communism unit.

I am broken. Even when I have a bit of free time on the weekends or this rare afternoon off, all I can do is think about my students. My heart hurts so much. I sometimes physically hurt / feel sick because of this. I'm actually crying as I write this. I'm not even talking tearing up. I'm a freaking mess. Yes, me. The girl who rarely ever cries. There have been countless times in LA where I have almost broken down and cried. Not because of my workload or how tired am. I don't care about that. It is because my students don't deserve this education. They deserve the best. I'm new and giving them the best is difficult - I can only try. Do you hear me? They deserve the best.

I met two boys yesterday who told me they want to go into the marines and then study music and engineering. They are amazing. Here is the thing. They want an awesome education. They want to transfer to a better school, but they can't. They are stuck until graduation.

And can I tell you about two of my boys? One is a seriously brilliant kid. He wants truth. He answers difficult questions. He asks difficult questions. He wants to know more. He comes up with the most beautiful responses within seconds. He is smooth and funny. I brag about him all the time. The thing is, he doesn't think he is smart. Another one of my boys is just awesome. He talks back. He has great conversations with me outside of class then falls asleep in class. He won't finish worksheets even when he knows the answer. He tells me he is lazy. He doesn't care about school. He just wants to ride bikes and shuffle all day. At the same time, he has high academic goals for himself.

I am in love. Anytime I talk about my day or my students (which is all the time), I say how much I love them. They are sometimes a handful, but I love them so much. I am furious with the system and can't stop thinking my students because of this love. I want to take them back to KC. If I could, I would. 18 days of summer school is not enough. I will never forget them. They don't understand the reason behind my lessons/consequences/rewards/laughter/awkwardness/questions... is my love for them.

I want them to have everything.