Why this is going to be rough

I graduated Saturday. I still have not fully grasped what this means for me. It does not feel real. Not at all. In one month (and two days) I will begin my TFA journey and head on over to "Induction" in KC for a week followed by five more weeks in L.A. I have no idea how to be a teacher. I do not know what classes, school, or grades I will be teaching. I do not know where I will live. I do not know how to manage a classroom or plan lessons. I do not know how to be that disciplined teacher. This is going to be rough.

A week ago I observed a high school classroom. The same day was my last time leading my junior highers at youth group [this was rough - probably the worst part about leaving Columbia - I am so proud of how much they have grown and of the leaders they are becoming]. That day, I fully realized that one of the toughest parts about transitioning into teacher-dom will be the fact that it is not my job to be the students' friends. I am so used to working at camp and leading youth group where I aim to be friends of students - I can joke around, use some sarcasm, let them get away with things (to a certain extent), and have really personal conversations.  As a teacher, I have to be strict (sure, I can be their friends and joke around, but not how I am used to). I know I can do this with ease, but it is not what I want. This is going to be rough. Yikes.

I am also worried about transitioning into a completely new environment. I am from the KC area - it isn't as though I'm moving across the country - but it is always difficult going somewhere with no connections. I will not know the teachers at my school. I do not know any of the KC corps member entering in with me. One of my biggest fears is that I won't make solid friends. I want true community. I want to be surrounded by people I can share with (this is a challenge in itself). I want to become connected/involved in an awesome church (and I'm having trouble deciding between churches). I want time to grow and have fun. I want to stay connected with Columbia and camp friends [not being at camp is a rough emotion as well]. I know some of these things will be so difficult. Here is the thing. I'm terrified; I'm an introvert; I want to be the best teacher I can be; I want community; I want to grow... Here is the other thing. It should not be about what I want. I desire to want what He has for me. I really know that my Father has everything worked out already. He loves and provides and is gracious. I need to cast my cares (all of them) on Him. Take it. Take it. Here. This journey is going to be rough; I know it. I also know that He is my constant through these changes.

This is going to be rough. Good thing He knows what's up.